Not quite the news I wanted

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Thursday was my appointment with my consultant. I went in having lost 9.2kg since I last saw him. I was bloody proud of myself and a whole heap of nervous. I was really really hoping he would agree to surgery…. However, this didn’t happen. I still have a lot of weight to lose before he will operate, about another 30 kg.

I left the hospital in a tearful mess. I don’t cry pretty, crying makes my eyes go red and puffy and my skin red and puffy…that’s how I left the hospital. I dragged myself into university and did my best to carry on with my day. I managed to get a handle on the tears by about 3pm – my appt was at 9am!

I took a few days out. I went down to London and watched a gig, I danced like no-one was watching and decided that I needed a few days to be me….Not someone with Endometriosis. I tried to be the me pre-Endo. It was actually really lovely to do and exactly what I needed. I noticed that being slimmer meant that I was able to dance properly without being out of breath which was flipping awesome!

But now, back to reality – there’s only one person to blame for me weighing what I do… Me. There’s only one person who has put the crap food in her mouth… So I am the only person who can get the weight off. I’m going to work my damned hardest to get the weight off. I am going to get this surgery, it is going to help my quality of life. I may only be a quarter of the way to what I need for the surgery, but that’s a hell of a lot more than I was in December.

This blog isn’t a weight loss blog, it’s a blog about a journey through infertility – but right now that journey is a journey about losing weight. I am so grateful to everyone who has been there for me the last few days. I am going to make you all proud of me. I’m going to make me proud of me. I’m going to make what I see in the mirror be something that I like. I’m going to be a role model for my future children and I’m going to be a role model for my future pupils. I finish uni in 4 weeks – that’ll be the end of my second year! I can’t believe how quickly the year has gone. Roll on my future.

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