One of the hardest things to deal with this week has been my broodiness. There have been times where I’ve felt myself desperately longing for a baby to be growing inside me. Whilst my head knows that it’ll never happen,and my heart has grieved for the babies I haven’t had, it would seem my uterus and ovaries never quite got the memo! It would appear, my body clock still ticks.
I have spent several moments in the staff room at school listening to conversations about being pregnant from the perspective of parents and grandparents. It is not common knowledge at school that I’m infertile, I’ve mentioned it to some of the teachers who I am close to.
I’ve managed the hold it together during these conversations, and have been able to even talk about my cousins’ children about cute things that they have done. But damn it, I want to be able to join in the conversation properly! I know that I will be a mum in a few years time, and I know that when that happens it’ll be awesome. But right now, I am having to slap on a front and keep going.
It is Endometriosis Awareness Week at the moment and I’m joining in with the Endo Photo Challenge on Instagram and Twitter (@katieatheart222 on Twitter and @katieatheart on Instagram), it’s a way to raise awareness, which quite frankly is something really needed at the moment. I’m going to go to the EndoMarch in Manchester on the 25th March. I’m going to take the opportunity to see my Endosisters and spend time with people who truly understand what life’s like with Endo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some days where I’m able to do everything I want to, but the days where I am in constant pain are becoming more and more frequent. I really need this surgery, I have 27 days until I see the consultant and I’ve not lost as much weight as I was hoping to… So it’s goodbye to alcohol for the next 27 days! I’ve been on it this week with my lunches at school, a plain jacket potato with ham or turkey ham with salad. I’ve also really been on it with ignoring cake! Yes, I fell off the wagon somewhat, but I’m bloody well back on it!!